Monday, September 6, 2010
OH SO MUCH ON MY MIND
Well-went home for the holiday weekend-love my family-love to spend time with them-wonder if anyone out there can help me figure out this feeling of emptiness i get from not being able to express myself to them-i used to would try and then realized i was just going home and would cause drama when i was there because im not there all the time and those that are there all the time live there everyday so they are used to the drama-then i started seeing it as the ones there everyday cause the drama-and now im starting to see it as the same old crap i grew up with and i want to help change it for the little ones there-my great niece and great nephew especially-so that they dont have to follow my footsteps-havent been here in a few days-no access to secure computer-glad to be back-feedback on this will be helpful-dont think the folks in charge will take my advice but the kids surely did love my help this weekend and that makes me feel good and want to keep helping-thanks all and much love to jim for helping me get this ball rolling-cynthia
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i believe the solution to this problem comes from setting the example, you need to spend time on you,it doesnt happen over night, as you see things people are doing that you dont approve of, telling them is not strong enough,living your life to a higher standard and showing them by setting the example will make a differance but it wont come over night,but anything worth while does, please slow down when you write and reread it before you post, spend more time in what you write, your feelings deserve more time and thought, james
ReplyDeleteI'm not exactly clear about what goes on (or went on) at your family's house. But I agree with Jim that setting the example instead of criticizing them should make a difference. It sounds like a lot of chaos where there's drama involved. Sometimes it is hard not to speak up though, especially if people are being disrespectful to one another. Glad you were able to help the little ones. I'm sorry that I'm not being of much help today. Hope things are going well for you, Cynthia. Hugs, Nancy
ReplyDeleteHi Cynthia,
ReplyDeleteI wrote a rather lengthy comment on this last night, but when I tried to post it, I got an error message and it was gone! I didn't have time to start over again last night, so I'll try again now.
I can totally relate to what you're saying! I grew up in a very dysfunctional home. My dad was an ice machine peddler, and most nights would come home drunk from spending all day in bars trying to sell ice machines to the various bar and restaurant owners. Anyway, that left us (my sister and me) home with our stepmother which created all kinds of drama in and of itself.
Then, when I left home, I realized after a while that it was possible to live a relatively drama-free life, but when I would go home again for visits on the holidays or what have you, there would be the same old drama I grew up with including screaming, cussing, name-calling, arguing, belittling, etc. And it seemed to be worse on holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas!
I'll never forget one of the first times my wife (Laurie) and I spent Thanksgiving at my dad's house. It was like World War III! Laurie couldn't believe it. She'd never seen anything like it before in her life. Needless to say, she never spent a holiday with my family ever again, other than just to drop in and say "hi" and "bye." She would leave me there to deal with them, and she would spend the holidays with her family. The thing is, that behavior was kind of normal for me when I was growing up.
The way I have dealt with it through the years is just to not participate in the drama. Sometimes I would get caught up in it in spite of myself, but when I would realize that was happening, I would just leave the situation and go visit a neighbor until it blew over. As the years went by, I got better and better at not participating in the stupidity, and actually, I think I became more of a calming influence whenever I would visit. I had opportunities to interact with my nephews and nieces in ways they weren't used to, and I think I had a positive, albeit limited, influence on them.
So, I'm with Jim. You need to become what you'd like your family to be. You may never be able to convince them to give up the drama addiction, but you can, by your example, show the younger people a better way. Anyway, for what it's worth, that's my advice.
Blessings,
Jack