Tuesday, August 24, 2010
this is today
Ok they say the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step-well, in this case, i'm starting with a single drive AWAY from the liquor store-why is it that the thing that is so bad for me is the thing I can't seem to stop thinking about-anyway,I did it and I am actually proud of myself-baby step I know,but MY baby step-I want to thank those who have sent me thoughts and prayers and comments, especially the one about the self-medicating-I have known this for so long and still kept doing the same old, same old-hopefully,as I get myself less foggy headed and thinking straighter in the days and weeks and months and years to come(hey,I can dream big,can't I!!) the feelings of worthlessness and shame and guilt won't consume me and I can be the person I'm supposed to be-not hiding behind a mask_i know in my heart that I'm a GOOD person. a decent person-I'm just tired of where I am in my life-so let's get on with this journey and keep driving right on by that store with the stuff I want but just don't need anymore-hopefully, this writing will get easier as the days go on-lots of things I want to share with those I hope to meet on this journey-Thanks all and most of all to James-for this day-Cynthia
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
At-a-girl, Cynthia! You are a person who is highly valued! Jesus gave His life as a ransom for you! There is nothing you could do that would make God love you more than He already does, but you can, and have already started to make choices that will make it easier for you to believe that.
ReplyDeleteGod, the Father, literally emptied heaven to save us in the person of His Son, Jesus. It is God the Father, as well as Jesus, who loves us. The wages of sin is eternal death, but we don't have to die that death, because Jesus already did, for us. When we sin, what we are doing in reality is attempting spiritual suicide, in spite of all the love, grace and mercy God has shown us. All sin does is make it harder for us to love ourselves, because we know deep down in our hearts that in so doing we are rejecting God, and manifesting a lack of trust in Him.
We know sin hurts us, and that's why God hates it, but we keep buying the lie of the serpent that somehow by disobeying God, we will become like gods, knowing good and evil. It was never God's intention for us to know evil, only good! Why, then, do we insist on knowing evil? It is a mystery, but the whole human race has been tainted by Adam's sin. We're all affected by the cancer of sin. Now we must choose, by God's grace, to reject evil. God has put it in our hearts to do so if we will (see Gen. 3:15), but He won't force us to reject evil against our will. So, how do we reject evil? By learning to do well. Darkness is dispelled by light. Lies are made powerless by the truth! Jesus is the embodiment of Truth. If the Truth shall make you free, you shall be free indeed!
Sorry for going on like this, but the good news is better than you think! Keep seeking after the Truth, and the Truth will set you free!
Blessings,
Jack
Great job, Cynthia! I'm so proud of you! And I am praying for you. Like you said, baby step, but Your baby step. Just keep those baby steps going: "one day at a time," and before you know it, you'll be far into your blogs and your recovery. Please know this: You already are a good person and you are certainly not worthless at all. The addiction causes you to have those feelings and feelings of guilt and low self-esteem, which is really sad, because God loves you so much that he sent Jesus down to earth to pay the price for your sins (and our sins) and to teach us how to live a better life. The Scribes & Pharisees looked down on Jesus because he dwelt among sinners, even blessing the woman at the well, who was an adulteress, and she turned her life around because of how kindly he treated her. Somehow the Scribes & Pharisees thought they were better than anyone else, which is a huge sin in God's eyes. You just keep your chin up and keep making those baby steps, and there are many of us who will be here with you, cheering you on and praying for you.
ReplyDeleteNancy