Friday, August 27, 2010
TGIF
Not sure this is a good time to post as i feel worn out like im just SO tired-while i know in the following weeks i will hopefully feel better-right now i just dont-the abuse i have heaped on my body for so long may be taking its toll or the emotions i have been going thru-dont know just know im tired-have been trying to make up a list of the things my counselor asked of me last night-hes this guy who has just started working with my child and me to help us learn how to be better people-remember the court drama i mentioned yesterday-and he wants me to make a list or write my story of how i have come to this place in my life and to be honest-which if youre going to a counselor and youre not then youre just wasting everybodys time-he feels that the reason i have been doing what ive been doing all these years is running from,hiding from,self medicating because of whatever and i have to get to the bottom of that so i can start to feel like the wonderful person that everyone around me sees and stop feeling like the piece of crap that i feel doesnt deserve a good life-but when you have felt this way for this length of time i cant just do it overnight-so anyway my homework is to write about the total me,warts and all, and boy aint this going to be a blast-my first sentence was a putdown of myself and he says when i do that i have to come up with a rebuttal-so i may never get past the first sentence!!seriously tho im looking forward to getting honest with myself and to finding out the total me cause i really do think shes a person i would love-i think the screwed up me is actually ok at times-just got to get out of this dark place i seem to go at times-anyway not sure if this is a post i should even put up but then again there goes that negative crap so just hit the send key girl and get this out there-for tonight-take care all
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Hi Cynthia! I think just sharing these things with others will help you heal and get to a better place. I'm happy for you and your daughter that you're getting some counseling. And I'm glad that he wants you to come up with a rebuttal when you're putting yourself down. I believe with his help and with your blog that you are going to get your life straightened out and start learning to believe in yourself. As you keep working on this, you're going to find out what a really good person you are, and you'll begin to like yourself. Just keep up the good work! Hugs, Nancy p.s. I hope you're the Cynthia on facebook who I invited to be my fb friend.
ReplyDeleteOkay, Cynthia, here's something for your to think about. When it gets right down to it, none of us deserves a good life. In fact, we don't even deserve a bad life. Were it not for the Lamb slain from the foundation of the world, none of us, since Adam failed, would have the right to live, move, and have our being. What we all deserve, but for the blood shed on our behalf on Calvary, is to be a pile of ashes, because the wages of sin is eternal death. That's why, whenever anyone asks me how I'm doing, I say, "better than I deserve," because no matter how good or bad I'm doing, it's better than I deserve, were it not for Jesus.
ReplyDeleteSo, do you or any of us deserve the good things of life? No. But have you or any of us ever experienced good things in life? Of course we have! Why? Because God loves us and wants us to have the desire of our hearts. What, then, is keeping us from appreciating the good things of life? It's all a matter of perspective.
Some of the poorest people in third world countries are some of the happiest people you'll ever meet because they understand the principle of grace, and they lead much simpler lives than we, who live in more affluent first world countries, do. It's all a matter of perspective.
Blessings,
Jack
cnthia, i believe the more honest you are with yourself, good or bad,on your blog, out in public the more you will want to make the changes you need to make to change your life for the better, the more we hide from the world the less reason we have to change, i am so very proud of you, i have been so busy with this new job and trying not to make any mistakes and trying to keep up with my blog i just havent had the time to comment, i am sorry i know how important they bare in the beginning,ive been here 2 weeks and im starting to get on a schedule, i will be here for you until you are able to walk on your own, reach way in there and get it out,teach the world that they to can change,jim
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